Scooby-Doo: Locked and Loaded
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BY MARK REMY
“Ghost Town Showdown”
EXT. A DIRT ROAD SURROUNDED BY SCRUB AND CACTI — DUSK
The Mystery Machine bumps along the road, past a faded wooden sign reading “Welcome to Rock Creek.”
FRED (V.O.)
What a great idea to visit this old mining town.
VELMA (V.O.)
I’ll say. According to this brochure, Rock Creek once supplied nearly one-third of the nation’s copper!
INT. MYSTERY MACHINE
Fred is behind the wheel. Daphne and Velma share the front seat. Shaggy and Scooby are in back.
SHAGGY
Like, I just hope this old town has some new restaurants—I could go for some juicy hamburgers! How ‘bout you, Scoob?
SCOOBY
Ryeah! Rhamburgers! (licks chops) Hee hee hee hee!
VELMA
Don’t you two ever think of anything but—
DAPHNE
Fred! Look out!
Fred, in a panic, hits the brakes A hulking humanoid figure, with the head of a hawk, appears in the Mystery Machine’s headlights. Its eyes are a pulsing, neon green.
DAPHNE
What’s that?
VELMA
Whatever it is, he’s coming right at us!
Fred pulls something from the glove compartment, exits the van, and strides toward the hawk man.
FRED
Hey! What’s up?
HAWK MAN
(raises arms) Screeeeech!
Fred pulls a semiautomatic pistol from his waistband and points it at the hawk man, who appears startled and turns to run away.
HAWK MAN
Caw-CAW!
Fred fires, emptying the clip. The hawk man convulses and falls. The rest of the gang joins Fred in the street.
SHAGGY
(nervous laughter) Like, way to neutralize the threat, Fred!
SCOOBY
Ryeah! Nreuta-rize! Hee hee hee hee!
SHAGGY
But, like, all this standing our ground has got me hungry. How about those burgers…?
VELMA
Oh, Shaggy!
All laugh.
“The Creep From the Deep”
EXT. A FOGGY MARINA — EVENING
The Mystery Machine rolls slowly past docked boats.
FRED (V.O.)
Daphne, it was nice of your Uncle Joe to invite us for a moonlight cruise on his boat.
DAPHNE (V.O.)
It sure was! I just hope this fog lifts soon. Otherwise, it’ll be a moondark cruise!
INT. MYSTERY MACHINE
Fred, Daphne, and Velma scan the marina from the front seat. Scooby and Shaggy are in the back, assembling comically tall sandwiches.
SHAGGY
Like, speaking of light—it’s time for a light snack. Right, Scooby? Ha ha!
SCOOBY
Ryeah! Right snack! Hee hee hee hee!
Shaggy and Scooby toss their sandwiches into the air and then swallow them in one gulp. After a moment, the sandwiches expand to their full heights. The outlines are visible in Shaggy’s and Scooby’s necks.
VELMA
Would you two cut it out? We’re trying to find Daphne’s uncle’s boat!
FRED
There it is—the S.S. Stillwater! But where’s Uncle Joe?
DAPHNE
I don’t know. He said he’d meet us here on the dock.
FRED
Hmm. Shaggy, you and Scooby better stay here and guard the van. Daphne, Velma, and I will search the boat.
SHAGGY
Like, you don’t have to tell me twice—this place gives me the creeps!
Fred, Daphne, and Velma step aboard the boat. Almost immediately, a ghostly looking pirate leaps from behind a barrel, laughing maniacally. Velma raises a small revolver and fires twice. The ghost pirate spins and collapses on the deck.
FRED
Nice work, Velma!
VELMA
Thanks, Fred.
FRED
Now let’s find out who this “ghost pirate” really is.
Fred kneels to remove the skeleton pirate’s mask.
DAPHNE
Uncle Joe!
Daphne falls to the deck, cradling her uncle’s head in her arms, sobbing.
VELMA
Oh my God. Oh my God.
“The Case of the Dirt Bike Fright”
EXT. A MOTOCROSS RACE COURSE — DAY
Scooby and the gang are sitting in bleachers, watching motocross racers zoom past a start/finish line. Shaggy and Scooby are scarfing down hot dogs, nachos, and ice cream.
DAPHNE
Wow, the national dirt bike championships—how exciting!
FRED
You said it, Daphne. I can’t believe we scored front-row seats, thanks to my cousin Kirk Thunder, the famous motocross champion.
A dozen motocross racers roar into sight, racing toward the finish line.
VELMA
Look, here comes Kirk now—and he’s in first place! Go, Kirk!
Kirk pops a wheelie and pulls away from the pack. Immediately afterward, a skeletal figure on a glowing three-wheeled chopper materializes on the track, as if by magic. The crowd gasps.
DAPHNE
Oh my gosh—what’s that?
VELMA
Jinkies!
SKELETAL CHOPPER RIDER
Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Daphne takes a pistol from her purse and fires it in the direction of the skeleton guy. Fred lifts his own gun and joins her. A motocross racer pulls out a pistol and returns fire, hitting Thelma. Several other fans in the bleachers produce guns and begin firing. Scooby fumbles with his own pistol, which falls to the ground and discharges, striking a nearby man in the leg.
Meantime, a stray bullet has hit the skeleton guy’s chopper. It crashes and bursts into flames. The skeleton guy, on fire, runs screaming from the scene of the crash. A spectator shoots him.
A sheriff arrives, gun drawn.
FRED
It’s okay, sheriff. The bad guy is dead.
SHERIFF
Well, I’ll be! You kids did a great job solving this mystery.
Scooby, trying to collect his pistol, drops it again. The gun discharges a second time, striking the sheriff in the shoulder.
DAPHNE
Scooby!
SCOOBY
Hee hee hee hee! Scooby-Dooby doooooo!
All laugh.
“A Trip to the ER”
EXT. A NARROW ROAD THROUGH THE WOODS — DUSK
The Mystery Machine travels along the road through rain, thunder, and lightning.
FRED (V.O.)
Wow, this weather is something else!
VELMA (V.O.)
You said it, Fred. I can hardly see a thing!
INT. MYSTERY MACHINE
FRED
I sure hope the bridge isn’t—
A deafening BANG! from the back of the van terrifies Fred, Daphne, and Velma.
SHAGGY
Christ, I’ve been shot!
SCOOBY
Srorry! I rought it ruz un-roaded! Hee hee hee hee!
All laugh.